Early morning today I felt very sad for my past actions. What happened in the morning kept me sad the whole day. By the time I returned from my office, i was pretty fed up with my mood. So, I took a pen and paper and made a critical analysis of the situation.
Not everyone has got a past he can look at with pride. Not everyone has got memories he wants to reminiscent. Not everyone cherishes his childhood as many poets paint it. I belong to those people who struggled with their past. Needless to say, I wish to #ForgetEverything for good.
Today when I sat down to do the Pranayama exercises, three people in their late sixties got themselves places to sit near to me. Healthy morning is a great way to start the day. I always look forward to it. But what happened today disturbed my mind for rest of The day.
The people were discussing about what their sons and daughters were doing. Surprisingly they had all the successful children born to them. When I overheard their discussion, inadvertently I became sad. I belong to those children whose parents will never be proud of them. I belong to those children who have crushed their parents’ wishes forever. Sadly enough, some of my actions have caused great pain to them. When I heard those people speak, I felt guilty. I knew that I can’t change anything. Nevertheless I felt sad. What happened in the morning engulfed my soul with sadness for rest of the day. The gloomy clouds of guilt hovered on my mind the whole day. I couldn’t smile at all.
When I came back from office, these are the things I noted down. These things made me #FeelBetter and #GuiltFree.
1) I can’t change what I have done. So it’s better for me to forget them and convenient for them if I don’t remind them.
2) In some cases, I had taken right decision. However, their expectations were not to my liking. In those cases, had I taken decisions as per their expectations, I would have blamed them for whole life. That would have been worse.
3) I took some crucial decisions and hid them from my parents. I feared their anger. It is fairly normal.
4) Our egos clashed and the relationship was tarnished. I have an option and will to change everything, but I fear That they will not accept me as I have now become.
5) I remember them from tiniest of the memories. Sometimes, I wish I forget them forever and carry on with my life. Which is a good option. No one is harmed with this decision.
6) sometimes I think that I made wrong choices and I should go back. But I shouldn’t go back. Because, I believe, no one should.
7) Given, these points from the analysis. I found, that the only way for happiness and peace of mind is, I should take responsibility for my actions. I am accountable for what happens with my life and I should accept this reality.
8) Unless I #DealWithIt, I can’t be happy. Because every now and then such things will try to make me sad. I am very much prone to negative thoughts. I should #ForgiveMyself for my mistakes. I should accept myself as I am and make peace with it.
What do you suggest my dear reader?