Today I have done something which I never thought I will ever do. Even i have surprised myself with this actions. For years, I have been advocating myself for being a rational person- an atheist. However, today, I have broken my own image. I have installed the Ganesha idol in my home as the celebration of Ganesh chaturthi.
What can be a more funny thing in this unprecedented act than my acceptance. When Bhagyashri called me to ask whether we should celebrate the Ganesh Chaturthi, I happily agreed. I agreed as if I was waiting for her to raise the topic.
I find the roots of this sudden unprecedented action in my childhood. As I child, I enjoyed the festival of Ganesh Chaturthi. I enjoyed the dancing, music and the aura of celebration. When I was in 4th or 5th std, I had asked my father whether we could install the Ganesha idol in our home. He had denied. The reasons were obvious, it was a waste of resources. However, that wish lingered in my mind for years. And today, when Bhagyashri asked me I happily consented and celebrated with her.
As another form of explanation, I can say that I did what I did today out of sheer love. I love her, and I am ready to do whatever makes and keeps her happy. Thus, I believe, I am serving love. I want to say myself and I want to believe that i am an atheist. I wish to stay atheist. But if that comes in the way of my love, I will not keep it as a barrier.
Now coming to what my mind is thinking now, I am feeling completely normal. For past half a dozen years, I had grown distant. I had come to despice loud music, loud celebrations and ultimately religious activities. However, a man with hate in his heart is less a man. Hate for anything creates a hollow vacuum in our heart. We start to become weaker and distant from ourselves. And honestly, when we realise that we need to change, we can’t. Because by that time we become a slave to our older ways of thinking. We imprison ourselves in the self created world of dillusion and sadness.
Today, I have learnt one thing for sure, atheist or no atheist. I want to stay happy. That’s all. I do not wish to stop myself from enjoying diffrent parts of my life Only because they are behind the barrier of my beliefs.
I am fighting with myself to find a perfect balance. It’s the conflict of mind. The more time you take to take your side, the more trapped you feel. I need to make my choice and make it faster.
Do you have similar experiences? Do Share your experiences in the comments box.